Sing Ling, 16.
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Tuesday, August 25, 2009
BIOLOGY SPA 1 TODAY. CRIES! I DON'T THINK I HAVE DONE A GREAT JOB. I WAS SHIVERING WHILE DOING THE EXPERIMENT. IMAGINE HOW NERVOUS AND AFRAID AM I? I WAS LOST. I DID NOT KNOW WHICH TO DO FIRST AND THE EXPECTATION OF ME HAVING IS, AS HIGH AS THE MOUNTAIN. BUT I KNOW I WOULDN'T DO WELL EITHER.
Nvm, it's over already. I should stop thinking about it :/ After every unsuccessful work, i'll sure improve and work for the better, i'm already half to my success. Haha! ==
I swear i've totally lost my interest for chinese. She simply teaches like a robot. Wahlan, i want MdmAng back okay! And and and, i simply feel that, it's not because i hated chinese that's why i didn't do well. It's because i've never scored well for it, never. I remembered i only scored a best B4 in my whole entire school life. That's why. I don't know. Simply just couldn't do well in it. No matter how much i work hard for it, i wouldn't get good scores, no matter how hard i cried during examinations, teacher still look down on me, thinking that i've not put in enough effort when i was already crying deep inside, that i've done my very best. Why won't she just fucking appreciate my effort? I DID TRY, SHE JUST WOULDN'T EVEN GLANCE INTO MY WORK THAT WAS THE BEST I COULD GIVE HER.
Basically. I'm losing out, i'm not catching up, i'm left behind. Chemistry, A math, E math, Chinese, English, Geography. I'm so lost! I couldn't cope well anymore. I didn't want to drop my standard, i want to continue what i've scored during MYE. I hoped there was at least, someone who support me. At least there would be someone who would appreciate, and congratulate me for doing well. And not making me feel equally guilty for scoring well but to see people around me sad. I know i'm sensitive, very stupid and silly. But, i feel rather useless. Any friend, any classmate, anything could make me feel that i'm just someone out of this world, i'm just someone transparent. Someone, not being cherished at all.
Don't make me feel it this way, i'm feeling so much different. I'm feeling so much invisible, so much worthless. I don't have a talent, i don't have the mind and heart to bring everyone to good terms with me, but i just wish for more friends, and people to appreciate me, to know who i am. I don't wanna be someone who is not known, i want to be someone who gains support and love from the rest.
You see. I'm lack of love. I'm lack of confidence and faith. My life suck. I wish i could end it at this very minute.
I FREAKING HATE TO TAKE THE FIRST STEP. IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE, I'M AN ANNOYING PERSON. But i'm indeed one.
I hope Xuan cheer up! :) I feel so bad, feel so worthless not able to cheer you up. And not knowing how to answer you. I know you felt so bad and hurt inside. But, me too, i feel so unhappy inside. I feel that i've lost something that i always wanted. I know you can be strong. Let's strive together, lmao.
If you really want, there can be nothing to stop you. But you simply chose to give up that chance.
7:18 PM